The amount of fluid was too much and Joshua couldn't take it any longer. We were still trying to find out what was wrong with our son and what caused this to happen. The night before, I was sick with a sinus block on my right side and didn't get much sleep. Julianne was restless, as well, and had some back pain during the night, waking her up. It was the night before the amniocentesis. We hoped this test would let us know what is wrong and how we might be able to treat it.
It seems like the normal times are when the worst things happen. It was the specialist that found the Hydrops during a scheduled ultrasound. The scan was to see the baby and to make sure everything was developing right. It was at the same office that we went for the amniocentesis. It was there during the scan, before the procedure, that the tech looked at us and said that there was no heartbeat.
I think God gave us the 11 days to share with our child how much we love him and how much our friends and family care. It was during this time that all our friends, family and neighbors all came to us to give us hope and prayers. God lifted us up and took our pain away. While we tried to research everything about Hydrops and what could be the issue with our son we also spent more time talking to him and loving on him.
It isn't our place to wonder why He took our child. Everything that happens in this world happens for a reason and that reason may or may not benefit us. What comforts me is to know that there will be a time that my spirit will join again with my family. I will see my triplets, and my baby boy, Joshua. God is with us, carrying us during our hardships.
My personal loss in the last year or so has taught me one thing...Life is precious. It is a gift from God that we get to share with others but can be sent back to Him at any time. I have lost my oldest Uncle a few years ago and a little over a year ago I lost my last Uncle. Within the last year, we have lost triplets in our first pregnancy. My remaining Grandmother passed away and my Aunt died so unexpectedly in a very traumatic and tense way.
Now, I have lost my son Joshua.
My son, who I am so proud, of since he alone touched so many lives to pray to God to help him. Some for the first time praying to a God they are just starting to build a relationship with. I say to all, thank you and God did not fail us. He answered our prayers. Our son is in a better place with no pain or troubles. Waiting for Mommy and Daddy to come home.
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